


Fate/Grand Adventure

by knightofsuperior



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-01-09 06:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightofsuperior/pseuds/knightofsuperior
Summary: When Gudako gets sick, all the Servants in Chaldea decide to pitch in to help in some way or another. The universe may be better off being destroyed at this point.





	1. Doctor's Orders

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is just a fun little fic taking place at the end of Rome but before Okeanos, starring an assortment of various Servants all trying their best to help out the poor, flu-ridden Gudako. I took some liberties to allow this to happen so if anything seems off in terms of how Chaldea is described, it's probably fudged to make the story work. Enjoy!

“So, we got a problem.” Mash glanced up from her book, staring up at the worried face of Dr. Roman. It was not often he came directly to her room, let alone leaving his machinery for longer than absolutely necessary. This was probably important. All the same, she raised an eyebrow.

“...Doctor, we’ve “got” a lot of problems. I’m afraid you may need to be more specific.”

Dr. Roman blanched. As usual, Mash cut straight to the point-and it seemed she’d been picking up on Gudako’s more acerbic habits, snark and all. “Right, of course. It’s about Gudako.”

Mash’s eyes narrowed. She closed her book, placing it down hard. A loud thud echoed through the room, causing Fou (who had been sleeping peacefully up until this point) to jump up with a startled yelp. “Are you calling Senpai a problem, Doctor?”

“No, of course not!” Roman barked back, panickedly. “I mean, something’s up with her today. Didn’t she look under the weather to you at the briefing earlier?” Mash frowned. It wasn’t as if the good doctor was wrong ( _ This time _ , she thought). After all, Gudako was barely awake during the meeting, her eyes lidding and closing even worse than on her first day at Chaldea. It took her and Da Vinci three times to even get her to sit upright without toppling over. Fou had even taken to serving as an impromptu pillow for Gudako at one point.

“She did seem a bit strange,” Mash admitted. “Have you heard from her since the briefing?”

Roman shook his head. “I wanted to check in on her, but I didn’t want to just be waking her up if she needed a little more sleep. I’ll head over to her room now, then-”

Before he could continue, a loud crash echoed from down the hall, followed by the sound of shattering glass. Even at the distance between the Demi-Servant’s room and her Master’s, all three could tell exactly where the noise came from-Gudako’s room. Mash was out the door in an instant, her shield at the ready as she sped off towards her Master’s quarters. “Hey, wait up!” Roman shouted, chasing after her with Fou quickly in tow. 

As soon as she arrived, Mash forced open the sliding doors. “Master, are you alright!?” In response, she heard a loud groan. Glancing down to the floor, Mash gasped. Gudako was lying on the floor, a cracked glass of water on the floor and a good chunk of the bed frame lying in Gudako’s grip. Mash dropped her shield and knelt down, lifting her Master up and shaking her gently. “Master! Master, wake up! Please!” She begged, her voice cracking. Gudako’s eyes fluttered briefly, squinting at the ceiling. Her gaze eventually settled on Mash, and a look of confusion crossed her face.

“Mash? What...I was getting some water, and...I…” She grit her teeth, closing her eyes again. Mash placed a hand on Gudako’s forehead as she tried to continue. “What’s goin’ on?”

“You’re burning up, Senpai,” Mash replied with a gasp. “We need to get you into the infirmary!”

As if on cue, Roman skidded to a stop in front of the room. “Mash, is everything-” He paused as he glanced at the scene. “...oh, dear. We need to get her-”

“Yes, Doctor, it’s obvious. Master, can you walk?” Gudako held a hand to her mouth, groaning. 

“Maybe? I don’t-urk…” The redhead wobbled somewhat as Mash led her out of the room and down the hall. Roman zipped past the two with a quick “excuse me!” before darting into the infirmary (and little Fou hot on his heels). Once inside, he quickly wheeled out a bed with clean sheets and a bucket just for good measure. As Mash entered the room, Roman gestured to a stepping stool at the side of the bed. 

“Make sure she takes it nice and slow,” Roman instructed. “If she moves too fast, she might...well. That’s what the bucket’s for. I’m going to get a thermometer and some possible medicines she may need; once she’s in bed, dampen a towel and put it on her forehead.” Mash nodded, choosing not to point out that was already her plan. As much as the two bickered, the Demi-Servant did recognize when Roman was being serious. 

It was rare, but it happened.

“I didn’t know you were a medical doctor as well,” Mash offered as Gudako shuffled into the bed, looking even more dazed than before. She rushed over to the nearby sink, grabbing a hand towel and soaking it under the faucet. “I thought you were mostly involved in the more scientific fields of study.”

“Well, I had to pay the bills somehow before coming here,” Roman replied. He dug through a cabinet, pulling out a sterile thermometer and a few bottles of pills. “It’s not easy making a living out in the world today-or, well, before today.” He sat down in a wheeled chair, scooting over to Gudako’s bedside. “How’re you feeling, Gudako?”

“Like crap,” the girl admitted with a weak voice. “I feel like I’ve just been drained of all my prana and punched in the stomach at the same time.” 

Roman frowned, placing the thermometer in her mouth. “Saying that isn’t good would be an understatement. Hold still for a moment.” Gudako merely nodded, glancing over at Mash as Roman studied the thermometer gauge. Her hand dangled from the side of the bed, outstretched towards her Servant. Mash immediately took Gudako’s hand, lifting it back up to the bedside but not letting go. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t notice this sooner, Senpai!” Mash apologized, lowering her head in shame. “I should have checked on you earlier-I should’ve felt something was wrong!” Fou chirped out some sad noises as well, rushing up to Gudako’s side and curling up next to her in a ball. 

“It’s okay,” Gudako replied, coughing as Roman removed the thermometer.  “I should’ve said something.” She moved one hand to pat Mash on the head and another to do the same to Fou. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

“I’d keep your hands to yourself, Gudako,” Roman piped in (earning him a glare from both Master and Servant simultaneously). “It looks like you’ve got a fever of 103 degrees, and given your symptoms-weakness in the body, fever, sore throat, etc.-I think you may have a flu of some kind. Best to make sure it’s not contagious. Though,” he added, putting a hand to his chin, “Can Servants even get sick? They can be poisoned, sure, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Servant with a stuffy nose-”

“A flu?!” Gudako interrupted, a sudden burst of energy searing through her as she flung herself upright. Unfortunately, her body decided to accentuate her disbelief with another round of coughing. “How could I get a flu?” she asked after a few breaths. “None of us were sick!” 

“That’s right!” Mash added. “Unless you had a flu, Doctor?” She glared at Roman, whose eyes went wide with horror.

“Mash, even if I did have a flu, I’d lock myself in my room before I’d let it get to anyone else! The more likely suspect is one of the singularities; at different points in time, the level of immunity to certain diseases may have varied, and someone in one of those time periods may have had a flu strain and didn’t realize it. It might have been Fuyuki, or Paris, or Rome...it’s hard to imagine you’d have contracted it here.”

Mash sighed, glancing back over to Gudako. “If it’s just a flu,” she began, “Does that mean she’ll be better soon?”

“I couldn’t say,” Roman replied. “As with anything like this, it could last anywhere from a day to a week or even more depending on how bad the strain is. I have some basic antibiotics for the flu, but until then, Gudako, you’d be best off just staying in bed and taking it easy.”

“But-” Gudako looked conflicted, her eyes shifting from Mash to Roman. “But what about the singularities? We still need to stop Lynor, and I’m one Saint Quartz away from-”

“I know, I know.” Roman held his hands up defensively. “But I think we should be fine for the time being on the Singularity front, and you’re in no shape to be summoning any new Servants. You’re resting up. Doctor’s orders.”

Gudako looked down. “...fine. I just have one question.”

“Go right ahead.”

“Who’s going to keep this place running while I’m out of commission?”

Roman blinked. “...eh?”

“I’ve been doing everything around here!” Gudako exclaimed. “Cooking for everyone, cleaning up everything around here, organizing the store, taking care of the Servants, summoning, even doing those excursions into the remnants of the singularities! I can’t do any of that from an infirmary bed!”

“...Master,” Mash said in an eerily calm tone, “Have you...had a break from any of this? Has anyone,” she asked, her eyes locked onto Roman’s, “Offered to help you out until now?” Roman whimpered, taking a few steps back. 

“Well yeah, everyone’s offered.” Mash breathed a great sigh of relief (though not as big as Roman’s) as Gudako continued. “I just...never really thought I needed the help. You all were doing enough as it was to help save the world. It’s the least I could do.”

Roman frowned. “Maybe you did get this flu from here-overworking can wreak havoc on your body's immune system.” Shaking his head, he placed a bottle of antibiotics on the stand next to the bed. “Don’t you worry about that. We’ll figure something out. You rest up.” Gudako nodded, closing her eyes. 

“I think I’m going to take a nap.”

“Probably a good idea. Mash, let’s leave her be,” Roman suggested. Mash grimaced, unsure of how to respond, but a gentle smile from Gudako washed away her worries. Nodding, she followed Roman out of the infirmary. Fou, on the other hand, stayed in bed with Gudako, offering a solemn nod to Mash as she exited.

Now then,” Roman said to Mash as the doors closed, “We should probably let the other Servants know that Gudako will be out of commission.” 

Mash nodded. “I’ll go to the Servant Quarters and let them know.” It was a very handy area, really; as the Servants didn’t need a physical form, they could all ostensibly “fit” into one of the spare meeting rooms in Chaldea, manifesting as needed. Roman clapped his hands together. 

“Alright. I’ll go tell Da Vinci what’s going on as well. We’ll figure out how to get through this, Mash. I know Gudako’s going to be just fine.” He chuckled. “Let’s just try to not burn the place down while she’s off, alright?”

Mash allowed herself a small smile at that. “Right. Excuse me.” With that, she sped off to the Servant Quarters. This would be fine. Everything would be fine.

\---

This was not fine.

“The Praetor is ill?!” Nero practically screamed as she took physical form, rushing Mash. “You must let me see her at once!” 

“Please, Saber, she needs her rest!” Mash shouted back, holding her shield out as she blocked the Servant Quarters’ door. 

“I will not let my Praetor suffer this pain alone!” Nero bawled, her eyes tearing up at the very though. “The thought of her tossing and turning so painfully as that disease ravages her is too much to bear! Let me through!”

“Calm down, would ya?” Cu Chulainn (the Lancer, Mash had to remind herself) placed a hand on Nero’s shoulder. “It’s just your average flu. It might’ve been deadly for us back in our days, but Master should pull through just fine. She’s made of tougher stuff than-” A quick elbow to the stomach ended that line of thinking fast. As Lancer stumbled back, muttering Irish swears all the while, Nero glared at Mash.

“Do you dare defy an order from the Emperor of Rome, Mash Kyrielight?!”

“I do, Nero Claudius.”

The stare down continued for a solid twenty seconds, with naught a sound other than Lancer’s pained moans.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” a new voice eventually groaned. “Stand down, you two!” A white-haired man in a red coat materialized between the two; Mash recognized him as an Archer Gudako had recently summoned. His name escaped her, unfortunately. “Lancer was right.”

“Can I have that in writing?” Cu asked. Archer ignored him and continued.

“The fact of the matter is, Emperor, that Master is ill. But rushing to her bedside will only exacerbate her condition. What she needs now is sleep, food, and medicine. Mash.” Mash jumped slightly at the lighter tone Archer used with her. “Is Doctor Roman handling her medical care?”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “He’s going to use basic antibiotics and other common flu medicines to get Master back into proper form.” 

Archer nodded. “Good. I’ll handle food preparation until she’s better, then, for both the staff and for group dinners this week.” Mash was surprised that Archer was willing to go so far to assist. While the Servants did not need to eat, Gudako insisted on giving them something for all the work they did. This led to the creation of “group dinner,” a weekly ritual where Gudako cooked up a grand meal with whatever food they had. Roman had advised against this due to the limited stores Chaldea had, but Gudako had found a variety of places within the remnants of each Singularity that had plenty of fresh meats, fruits, and vegetables to work with.

“Are you sure? I don’t mean to be rude, but I didn’t know you could cook, Archer.”

Archer chuckled. “Oh, I’ve got a bit of experience.” His gaze fell on Nero again. “Look. I get that you’re worried. We all are.”

**_“Speak for yourself, mongrel,”_** a disembodied voice replied. Archer rolled his eyes.

“Everybody who matters.”

**_“Tch.”_ **

“In any case,” Archer continued, “Panicking helps nobody. We’ll get through this and we’ll be back to business soon. For now, just breathe. You’ll find a way to help her one way or another, I’m sure.”

A frustrated grumble was Nero’s only reply. 

Archer sighed. “Nobody’s saying you can’t see her when she’s awake. But until she is, let her rest. Now, if anyone needs me, I’ll be in the kitchen.” He turned and walked past Mash. As the doors slid open, he added, “Try not to need me.” Once they closed, Nero stamped her foot on the ground.

“Just who does that man think he is?!” She snapped, crossing her arms. “Presuming he can order an Emperor? Ha!” For a brief moment, the woman’s features softened. “I just want to help my Praetor...you understand, don’t you?” She asked Mash.

Mash nodded. “I do. But he’s right. Senpai-I mean, Master needs to recover. I’m sure we can find ways to help her once she’s awake. It is a shame, though,” she muttered.

“Hm?” Lancer, still rubbing his stomach, tilted his head slightly to the side. “What is?”

“She was one Saint Quartz away from being able to summon a few more Servants," Dr. Roman's voice suddenly replied in from over the intercom. "It's a shame, considering she was so close. Maybe we could've even summoned a Caster with some healing spells. But, there’s not much we can do.” Mash sighed, her shoulders slumping. 

"Doctor."

"Hm?"

"The shame was that she got sick. Not that she can't summon."

"...oh. Right." Roman's sheepish tone said it all. Mash put a hand to her forehead. Nero felt a twang of sympathy for the poor girl's plight. "Well, can you come on back to the infirmary? Fou's starting to get restless, and he's not listening to-ow, that hurt!" The intercom cut out with a static screech.

"...if you'll excuse me, Saber, Lancer." Mash muttered. With that, she opened the door and left, her appearance changing back into her casual wear as she disappeared down the hall.

“Who’d’ve thought that a flu would bring down the lady who saved three different countries at this point, huh?” Cu quipped, propping himself up on Gae Bolg. “Them’s the breaks, I guess. We’ll just have to wait until...she…” He paused as a noise began to echo repeatedly throughout the room.

A noise that sounded very much like “Umu.”

“...Saber? You...you doing alright?” Cu asked warily. The sound continued, and Cu could see Nero’s shoulders slumped over, almost twitching. He began slowly walking back up to the red-clad emperor. “I get that this is heavy for you, but-”

Suddenly, Nero burst out in a fit of near maniacal laughter. Well, not really near maniacal; it was flat-out bonkers, but Cu didn’t want to risk another gut punch. “Saber, calm down!”

“I am perfectly calm, my dear Lancer, for I know now what I must do for my Praetor!” Nero declared, her arms spread out wide. 

“...wait until she’s better and then help her save the universe?” Cu offered. 

“I am Rome! And Rome must do well by her people, or Rome will not survive!” Nero turned her head back to face Cu, a toothy smile on her face. “Lancer!”

“Y-yes?”

“You will be my guard dog until the Praetor has fully recovered!”

“I’m not some damn dog!” Lancer snapped. “And why would you even need a guard? You’ve got that sword!”

“Any adventuring emperor needs a contingent at her command! You are merely the first pick!” She placed her hands on her hips, leaning forward. “Frankly, you should be honored!”

“Adventuring-what do you plan to do?” Cu asked, confusion clear in his tone.

“As Archer suggested, I’m finding a way to help my Praetor.” Nero’s eyes sparkled with determination. “Simply put...

“We’re going hunting for that last Saint Quartz!”

\---

Simultaneously, Roman, Mash, Archer, and even the sleeping Gudako all felt a sense of impending dread permeate through their very beings. But that was probably nothing. 

Right?


	2. Emiya's Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can go wrong will appear to go right at first.

The first thing Archer noticed when he arrived in the kitchen (other than how large it was, with as many as four sinks and eight stoves scattered throughout) were the large stab marks on the counter.

The second thing he noticed was The Phantom of the Opera, stabbing at a loaf of bread meant for a submarine sandwich with a dagger.

_ I’ll never get used to seeing things like this _ , Archer thought. It was strange enough that the “war” he was summoned into wasn’t an actual Heaven’s Feel, but rather some kind of collective battle against universe-threatening entities. That, at least, he could process and understand without much issue.

Seeing dozens of Servants living life as “casually” as possible between skirmishes, though? That was just too weird.

“Christine, Christine!” The Phantom wailed, stabbing at the center of the sandwich, attempting to drag his blade across the 12” length of the hoagie. Archer frowned; he couldn’t outright understand the pitiable man thanks to his high level of Mental Pollution, but he could tell right away that this was not just a broken creature crying out for his lost love.

It was a poor soul who didn’t know the difference between a dagger and a kitchen knife.

“Phantom.” The Phantom paused, glancing up at Archer with a killer stare.

“Christine?”

“Archer, actually,” the man joked. No laugh came from behind the Phantom’s mask. Archer coughed. “Right, so. I see you’re having a bit of...trouble...with that sub there.”

The Phantom nodded, offering a “Christine” as if to say, “No shit, Sherlock.”

“Any particular reason you’re not using one of the knives from the drawer?”

The Phantom paused, glancing over at the block of knives to his left. He looked back down at his own, and then back to Archer. He held up the knife. “Christine CHRISTINE Christine Christine.”

“...” Archer put a hand to his chin. “...you like your knife?”

The Phantom’s eyes widened. “Christine, Christine!”

Archer breathed a sigh of relief. Now they were getting somewhere at least. “Alright. I get that you like your knife, but it’s not meant to cut sandwiches-it’s meant to cause damage when used as a blunt weapon. The knives in the block are able to more easily slice the bread without much effort.

The Phantom blinked, glancing back down at his knife. “Christine…” He placed the dagger down and pulled a knife from the block. 

Archer nodded. “See, now you’re-”

**_SHUNK!_ **

Archer’s voice trailed off as The Phantom began to stab at the bread again, this time with the kitchen knife. “...well, then,” he said after a moment, “I’ll leave you to it. I’ll just…” He gestured to the other end of the kitchen. “...go over to this other side and get group dinner started. You have fun.” With that, he slid over to the nearest fridge and opened it up. “Let’s see...we have some pork, beef...I could use this garlic, maybe make a rub for-” The man paused, his hair standing on end as he felt a presence loom over him. From a reflection in a milk bottle, he saw a dark figure with a skull-shaped mask and a large blue ponytail hover over his shoulder. Great. A Hassan. Just what he needed.

“Can I help you with anything? Am I in the way of your leftovers, perhaps?” Archer asked.

“We heard of Master’s condition,” the Hassan replied, her voice calm and collected. “Is it true that you plan to cook tonight for all of the Servants?”

Archer grumbled. “Yes it is. No, you can’t make requests.”

“That was not what we had in mind.” 

“We?” Archer looked back to see the kitchen flooded with various Hassans. Even The Phantom had taken a few steps back, protecting his sandwich from the oncoming hordes. Wheeling around, Archer narrowed his eyes and focused intently on the crowd around him, raising his hand into the air.  **_“I am the bone of my-”_ **

“Wait!” The pony-tailed Hassan shouted, holding her hands up. “Forgive us, we did not mean to startle you. We merely wanted to offer our assistance.”

Archer let his hand drop to his side, a rare surprised expression flitting across his face. “Really?”

“It is the truth,” another Hassan said. “We had offered support to Master in the past, but she rejected us, intending to act as what she called a “Master Chef.” Do you wish to prove yourself the same, white-haired Archer?”

“Archer is fine,” the man replied, “And truth be told, more hands on deck are always welcome. As long as you’re willing to follow my instructions, and don’t slip anything poisonous in-” At this, he could tell that even behind the mask that the blue-haired Hassan seemed scandalized. What kind of Assassins were they? Then again, the odds of them planning a rebellion against Gudako were as likely as the next Holy Grail War being a drag race. “-then you should be fine.”

The Hassans all took a bow. “We will not disappoint," said another.

“Christine, Christine!” Archer glanced over to The Phantom, who was mimicking the Hassans’ bow. 

“What, you want in, too?” The Phantom nodded to Archer, who offered a shrug in return. “Sure. First things first before anything else: wash your hands.”

The shadowy Hassans began to chuckle. “Archer,” the blue-haired Hassan began, “We are both creatures of shadow and Servants from beyond the grave. We do not need to-”

A blade whizzed by her ear, slamming into the nearby wall (and causing The Phantom to leap back in surprise). Archer’s gaze was steely and cold. “Do not make me repeat myself. That goes for you too, Phantom. There are plenty of sinks here and just as much soap to go around. Wash. Up.”

The sound of the Hassans scattering and clamoring for the soft soap was music to Archer’s ears.

\---

“So, Gudako, how’re you feeling now?” Roman asked as he pulled up to the woman’s bedside. “You seemed to be tossing and turning pretty hard in your sleep. You almost rolled over poor Fou.” Fou chirped in response, sitting on Gudako’s stomach like a common housecat.

“Still not great, but I’m not dead, so I’ll take it.” Gudako chuckled quietly. “I had the weirdest dream, though. Nero, Cu Chulainn, and...actually, a lot of Cu Chulainns were travelling through the singularities. It was so lifelike, I almost thought it was real.” She looked up at the ceiling. “...hey, you don’t think-”

Roman shook his head. “Gudako, while that’s funny, sometimes dreams are just dreams. How would they even get into the Singularities anyway? They’d need to get into my systems to send them the right time period, to start. Trust me, those are pretty well protected.”

\---

“Umu…umu, umu, umu!” Nero chortled heartily as she mashed away keys on Roman’s keyboard.

“Uh, Ner-” Nero glared at Cu Chulainn, who was clad in a Hawaiian shirt and leaning on his red spear, as he began to spoke. “Er, Emperor.” 

“Yes, my loyal hound?”

Through gritted teeth, Cu continued. “Do you know how this technology works?”

“Of course I do! As Emperor, it would be remiss of me not to know of Rome’s great advances in science and machinery!”

“We’re technically not in Rome,” another Cu (this one clad in a fuzzy blue jacket and wielding a staff) pointed out.” 

“All land is Rome, and all of Rome is mine, as you should well know,” Nero said. 

“Anyway, the point is that this is something far beyond our comprehension. Even if we know everything about the world around us,” yet another Cu (this one also wearing a fuzzy coat but with a green spear by his side) argued, “That doesn’t mean we’re good at using it.”

“You underestimate the power of Rome!” Nero declared. “For I have found the secret to the good Doctor Roman’s mysterious devices!”

The first Cu sighed. “And that would be...what, exactly?” In response, Nero pulled off a small yellow piece of paper from the side of the screen, showing it to the three. The note read:

 

**Username: magimarifan122906**

**Password: superaffection**

**Wi-Fi: Chald01**

**Wi-Fi Password: romannumber1**

\---

“And after that, they’d need to know how to work the system itself,” Roman added. “Now that is a job for a doctor and only a doctor. No ordinary person, not even a Servant, could figure it out on their own.”

\---

“Hey,” the cloaked Cu said with a hint of surprise in his voice. “He left this “readme” file open.”

“Of course! Fate has seen it fit to make this process go smoothly, as it should for someone with my stature!” Nero shouted proudly. After typing a few things into the keyboard, Nero pushed back out from her chair. “Now then…” She grinned. “Onto phase two!”

\---

“Not to mention, they’d need to have a mission control in place in order for any operation to go smoothly,” Roman noted. “After all, where would you or Mash be without me?”

“...do you want me to answer that question?” Gudako asked with a sly grin.

Roman frowned. “Funny. The point is, there’s no way anyone would be dumb enough to let this go on ahead without any questions. Can you imagine that?”

\---

“Hello, everyone on the Nero Adventuring Squadron! This is everyone’s favorite idol, Elizabeth Batory!” a cheery voice echoed from the main room, where Nero and the Cus waited for the remainder of their party to arrive. “How’s everyone doing tonight?”   
  
“It’s 3:50 in the afternoon!” the cloaked Cu shouted back at her.

“It’s a beautiful evening here in Chaldea,” Elizabeth continued, utterly ignoring the Caster’s protests, “And we’re on the verge of a great expedition to the burning city of Fuyuki!”

At this, all three Cus frowned. The green-speared Cu raised his hand. “Do we have to go back there?”

“Of course!” Nero snapped. “There was a free quest on the list that clearly listed a Saint Quartz as a treasure to be found! We’ll not stop until we have it in our grasp!”

“But everything is on fire there!”

“It’s a risk you will have to take!” Before the Cus could offer any more arguments, Nero pointed towards the ceiling. “Now, then! Lancer!”

“Yes?” Two of the Cus asked.

“Not you, Lancer, the other Lancer.”

“Me?” Elizabeth asked over the intercom.

“No,” Nero muttered sarcastically, “I mean a totally different Lancer from you three, obviously.”

“...do you mean Arturia-”

**_“PRESS THE BUTTON, BATORY!”_ **

With a small yelp of surprise, and the sounds of buttons being smacked over the intercom, a bright light began to fill the room. As dramatic-sounding, robotic words erupted within the room, the Emperor of Rome grinned. “Onwards, my loyal dogs, to victory!”

“We told you, we’re not goddamn-”

And with that, they were gone.

\---

Roman leaned back in his swivel chair. “Plus, the whole thing’s on a maintenance cycle. Even if they tried to use the machine to go anywhere, it probably wouldn’t even work.”

“What would happen if it did?” Gudako inquired.

Roman shrugged. “It’d probably toss them into some random time period. Any navigator worth their salt would be able to pull them out immediately if there were any trouble. They’d be fine. But again, it’s not like they’d even get that far.”

\---

Nero opened her eyes with a gasp. Looking around, she saw her escort toppled into a pile on top of each other, no doubt from their stumbling around during the transportation process. Poor fools. She would have to go easy on them, the Emperor of Rome thought, as she glanced out into the vast expanse of green grass and...

“...umu?”

Where was the fire?

And where was the city?

And why was Batory screaming something about “punching in the wrong coordina-”

“...oh, no.”


	3. Who's On France?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Language is a funny thing.

“Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth Batory feared no man. No woman, for that matter. She had pushed her way to stardom by her sheer grit alone (is what she told everyone, at least). Fear was something she left behind long ago. Fear was for the weak.

Or so she thought.

That was before she found herself under interrogation in the Chaldea control room.

“Y-yes, Doctor?”

Before her stood a familiar face. Dr. Roman, a kindly fellow. Always nice. Always friendly, to a fault.

Rarely angry.

“That noise we heard...would you happen to know what it was?” Roman asked, a bright smile on his face and a measured tone to his voice.

“N-noise?” Elizabeth asked, in as surprised a tone as she could muster. “What noise?”

“You know.” Roman leaned in close, his smile growing wider. “The noise that went along the lines of…” His voice became robotic, almost monotone. “Rayshift malfunction confirmed. Brace for impact.” He opened his eyes, an uncharacteristically piercing glare permeating from the man’s still-grinning visage. “You know. That noise?”

“W-wow, Doctor,” Elizabeth replied, “That’s such a good robot voice! You should be in movies! I bet you that there’s a Servant out there who could really use that-”

_**"BATORY."** _

Elizabeth flinched, glancing down at her feet. “...I...may have heard it.”

“Okay.” Roman stood up straight, looming over the idol. “Do you know what might have caused that noise to occur?”

“Um...a malfunction occurred?” Elizabeth offered.

“And just how might a malfunction have occurred?” Roman’s voice was tinged with a rage that she had never seen in the man. It was as if she had awakened a whole new side of him, one seen by only a select few.

Elizabeth knew she had to chose her words carefully.

“...because Saber-er, Nero-Saber, asked me to send her and Cu Chulainn-, all of him-to Fuyuki, and I said yes?”

Roman looked close to exploding.

_Think fast, Batory!_

“...and because you left your password on a sticky note?”

In an instant, Roman’s face went pale. It was as if a balloon had popped, deflating within moments, as sweat began to roll down the good doctor’s face.

“...Elizabeth.”

“Yes, Doctor?”

“I forgive you for making this mistake. It was partly mine, after all.” Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. “Just…” Roman gulped. “Please don’t tell Gudako.”

“...” Elizabeth grinned, putting her hands to her hips. “Oh? And why shouldn’t I? She’s my Master. Doesn’t she have a right to know?”

“She does,” Roman admitted. “But you know who else will know if she knows? A certain someone who will NOT let us off easy.”

“What we did,” Elizabeth muttered. “And just who are you-”

She paused.

Her face contorted in terror.

“...oh no.”

“Oh yes. I’d rather not have a shield to the everything, if I can help it. Now then,” Roman continued, slipping back into his serious demeanor like a well-fitting glove to a hand, “We’re going to tell them that this happened. There’s no hiding the fact that there was a malfunction. But as far as they know, it’s no one’s fault. There was an accident. Simple as that. Okay?”

Elizabeth nodded. “You have my word as an idol!”

“Good. That’s the strongest bond one can make-if MagiMari is any indication-so I’m trusting you on this. Before that, though,” Roman added, fiddling with some buttons on the nearby control console. He grabbed a nearby microphone, aiming it towards himself and Elizabeth. “How about we see where our little castaways wound up, shall we?”

* * *

Cu Chulainn, the young Lancer, was not having the best of days.

Cu Chulainn, the older Lancer, wanted to go home immediately.

Cu Chulainn, the Caster, had expected this to go horribly wrong.

None of them expected to see the Emperor of Rome get into a shouting match with a French guard.

“I demand the truth, woman!” The guard roared. “What business do you, a Roman, have in Orleans?!”

“What business is it of yours to know?!” Nero snarled, throwing her arms out wide. “Is it not the right of the Emperor of Rome to survey her empire, her people?”

The guard seethed, his grip on his polearm tightening. “How many times do I have to say it before it gets into your head? We. Are. In. FRANCE! I’m French! You’re speaking French right now! You should know this!”

The youngest Lancer rolled his eyes. Technically, they could be speaking in any tongue known to man, and it would all come out the same. Praise be to Chaldea’s miracles of science, he supposed.

Not that Nero understood any more than the Frenchman did.

“Are you mad?!” Nero snapped. The older Lancer snickered, clearly reveling in the irony of the statement. “All the world is Rome, you’re a Roman, and you’re speaking Roman!”

“Technically,” a familiar voice called from on high, “I’m the only speaking Roman here.”

There was silence.

The guard was stunned by this mysterious voice from on high.

The Chulainns were exhausted from having to add another item to the “crap they didn’t expect to have to deal with” list.

Nero was on her last thread of calm, recognizing the voice instantly but having no time for its prattling. “Doctor.”

“Yes, Saber?”

“Did you not hear me earlier? All that I survey is Roman.”

The voice stammered for a moment. “I don’t think you understand. That-that was a joke, Saber. It’s funny because I’m Roman.”

“Yes. We all are.”

“...no, I’m _Roman_ , not Roman.”

“How can you be Roman and not Roman?” The Caster offered, a smirk on his face. “Seems contradictory.”

“You stay quiet,” the Doctor grumbled.

The guard, shaking off his confusion, scanned the nearby area. “Alright, I’ve had enough! Come on out! I know you’re hiding somewhere! Just where are you? Who are you, for that matter?”

The voice groaned, and a loud thud echoed through the skies. “I keep telling you! I’m Roman!”

“Finally, you understand your place in my Empire!” Nero cried in victory.

“I don’t give a damn about the Empire, Saber, I’m just saying that I’m Roman!”

“Did you say Dame?” The guard piped up, clearly having misheard under his understandably thick metal helmet. “I’m afraid you might be more lost than the Roman; Dame’s in Paris.”

 ** _“For God’s sake!”_** the Doctor cried.

“Is someone gonna tell her?” The younger Lancer asked his older counterpart.

“Nah." The older Lancer offered the toothiest grin imaginable. "We deserve this entertainment right now.”

"...agreed," the other two Chulainns echoed.

“I’m Roman!” The Doctor argued.

“We know!” Nero replied, shaking her fist to the sky in frustration.

“No, you clearly don’t-” All of a sudden, there was a loud crash, like thunder ripping through the clouds. This was followed by a loud screech, almost metallic in nature. Then:

“Testing, testing? Mic check, 1, 2, 3.”

Nero sighed. “Batory, it’s about time. Where have you been?”

“Trying to find out what happened, Saber! I told you that before I left!” Elizabeth replied, a cheery pep in her words. “You must have not paid attention.”

“...you didn’t tell us anything!” Caster shouted, pointing up to the skies with his staff. “All you said was, and I quote, “Oh God, something went wrong with the coordinates, what do I do, they’re not in Fuyuki, where’s the Doctor?!” Then you screamed for about a solid minute, and went silent.”

“You could hear all that?” The older Lancer muttered. “I was still trying to get clumps of grass out of my ears.”

As the group bickered, none noticed that the guard had stopped his search, staring up at the sky.

Nor did they notice that the loud screech came not from Elizabeth hurling Dr. Roman to the floor (though that did add to the noise), but from something up above.

They only noticed when a massive Wyvern landed directly behind the Chulainns with a resounding crash, letting loose an enormous cloud of steam as it literally breathed down their necks.

“...so did you hear that, kid?” Caster asked.

“Go to hell, me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! Thank you for your patience with this chapter; I've had a heck of a busy time since the last one, so I'm going to try to keep a more consistent schedule going soon. Expect an update on the Archer Cooking Team in the next chapter!


	4. Today's Menu For The Chaldea Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Phantom experiences a kitchen nightmare.

“So, you just kept saying “Christine” to him?” the Blue-Haired Hassan asked the Phantom of the Opera. She sliced away at a potato, the twenty-first...no, wait, the hundred-and…hm.

She’d count later.

“And he didn’t question it?” she continued.

“Surprisingly, yes.” the Phantom whispered, glancing around to make sure Archer wasn’t within earshot. “I kind of expected him to, frankly."

"Why even try?"

"I assumed that if Giles could get away with not talking to people by shouting _**“JEANNE, MY DEAR JEANNE,”**_  at the top of his lungs, that Archer would leave me be if he thought I was just as insane.”

“That worked out well, didn’t it?” one of the Hassans, a fellow in a stark white mask and a hidden arm, asked from next to the Phantom.

“Shut up, Jim. How was I supposed to know he’d take my “exit, stage left” bow as a “sure, join my cooking brigade” gesture?”

“Stop calling me that! I told you before,” the Hassan groused, “My name is-”

“You’re all named Hassan. Therefore, I’m naming you myself so I don’t mix you up.” the Phantom replied. “You look like a “Jim,” frankly.”

“But we all have actual names! Not to mention, I told you mine before! It’s Hanam!” The Assassin curled up the one hand he had visible into a fist. "Are you telling me you forgot it a mere ten minutes after I told you?!"

“...yes, basically,” the Phantom shrugged.

“You insolent little-”

“Enough.” The blue-haired Hassan ( _Now **she** looks like a Christine,_ the Phantom mused) slammed her latest potato down onto the table, transforming it into a pile of mush in an instant from the force of the strike. “The sooner we get through these blasted things," she continued, "the faster we can move onto the rest of the vegetables. No more arguing. Understood?"

The Phantom could not have nodded fast enough; Hanam, on the other hand, merely went back to work.

“Why do we need this many veggies, anyway?” asked another Hassan, a lanky figure whom the Phantom vaguely remembered the name of. Zayne, or Zan, or...something along those lines.

He’d call him “Joseph,” he decided.

“Did you not hear our white-haired companion?” the Phantom asked. “The menu for tonight called for a hearty beef stew. Since we’re to feed a fair amount of Servants,” he added, glancing at the sea of Hassans in front of him for emphasis, “We need as many as we can muster.”

“So what’s Archer doing while we’re out here slaving away?”

Before anyone could answer, there was a loud crash from the other room, followed by a scream of rage.

“Would you get out of here?! I’m cooking!”

“Our Master allows me to oversee the cooking of my own dinner, mongrel. I have every right to be here.”

“Oh, dear.” The blue-haired Hassan whispered.

“Not this nonsense again. This is why Pendragon warned us about offering help in the kitchen, Hundred-Faces,” Hanam muttered.

“...again?” The Phantom asked, eyebrow raised. “What exactly is happening “again” here?”

The Hassans did not answer.

Instead, they carefully put down their potatoes, as well as the varied instruments they were using to peel them (not one of them an actual potato peeler, the Phantom noted).

Then, they all vanished.

Without the din of the other Assassins to keep him company, the Phantom was able to hear the argument from the other room a little better-something about "sanitation," or the like. His curiosity got the better of him. Carefully making his way to the main kitchen door, he opened it a crack and poked his head inside. Archer was indeed hard at work, chopping up some kind of beef, while a gloriously golden figure stood against the wall.

“I told you, Gilgamesh, you’re getting the same damn meal as everyone else. I swear, Master has been coddling you.” Archer sighed, reaching into a nearby cabinet, fishing his hand around. “Hm. Are we out of rosemary?”

“Coddling!? I accept only the finest of cuisines, worthy of my greatness as King!”

Archer rolled his eyes. “Greatness. Right. That’s what it’s called.”

“And what would you call it, whelp?” Gilgamesh asked, a surprisingly curious tone to his voice. "I'm just dying to know."

“I’d say you’re just a picky eater, like a little kid who wants his peas and carrots warmed up just right.” Archer glanced towards the nearby refrigerator. "Speaking of, I should probably get to work on both once I'm done with the meat. Have to check in on the Assassins too." He looked over to Gilgamesh, a mildly disappointed frown on his face. "Are you still here?"

Gilgamesh clenched his teeth, his gaze steeled and locked onto Archer. “A picky eater, you say? And what of you? Are you not being particular about just what goes into your cooking?” He put a hand to his chin in mock thought. “What’s the modern parlance about the kettle and the pot?”

Archer paused his rifling, taking in a deep breath. “Gilgamesh. I’m making dinner. My kitchen, my rules.” He turned to face the golden warrior, gripping the buttons on his long coat. “In here, I’m king-not you.”

Gilgamesh glowered at Archer, standing up to his full height. “Well then...perhaps it’s time for some regicide.”

The Phantom was starting to see why the Hassans had made their quick escape. _Maybe I should be doing the same right about-_

**_“I am the bone of my sword.”_ **

A ring of fire erupted from Archer, spreading out into the kitchen. As quickly as he tried to avoid it, the Phantom found that he was no longer able to transform into his incorporeal state. But the only thing that could ostensibly cause that, to his knowledge, would be the activation of a Noble Phantasm.

“...oh, dear.”

Gilgamesh grinned like a man possessed, crossing his arms. “So, you accept my challenge, Archer?”

Archer tore off his coat, sending it flying to the other end of the room. Twin blades appeared in his hand. He raised one towards Gilgamesh, replying in three succinct words:

**“Unlimited Blade Works.”**

It was at this point that the entire room appeared to burst into flames, sending the Phantom reeling as the light overtook him. Within seconds, it was gone. The Phantom opened his eyes to a dark red skyline, filled with gears and clockwork pieces strewn about. A landscape littered with swords of all shapes and kinds greeted him shortly after. He could almost hear an ethereal choir, a haunting serenade. It was surprisingly relaxing, he realized. Taking cover behind a nearby gear, the Phantom could spot two figures on this battlefield (likely Archer and Gilgamesh), standing at the ready.

“Okay. This is fine,” the Phantom muttered. “I’m in a Noble Phantasm, but I’m not the enemy. All I have to do is hide out while these two settle their little spat, and I’ll be-”

**“Gate of Babylon.”**

A giant portal formed in the sky behind Gilgamesh.

The Phantom could see just as many swords drifting out from it as there were on the ground of this godforsaken land.

A chill ran up his spine, one that spoke to him in sweet, velvety words:

“This is probably where you die.”

He was inclined to agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! You may have noticed The Phantom is now speaking normally. After rereading some comments from Chapter 2, I decided to amend the whole "Christine" character tic due to it having been a misunderstanding on my part. 
> 
> I feel this also makes it 1000x more hysterical to see him have to deal with this kind of nonsense.
> 
> Next chapter: Gudako and Mash Story Hour.


	5. Cinema Chaldea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gudako learns an unfortunate truth about Mash, and decides to right a grievous wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience! Between other fics, writing obligations, and life in general, I've been trying to find time to get back to this. I'm sorry for keeping you all waiting so long, but I hope you enjoy this little moment with Gudako and Mash (with added Roman for funsies). We'll get back to Nero and her dogs, along with the adventures of the Phantom of the Opera, soon enough!

Gudako could not have felt worse in her life.

No, it wasn’t the fever-that had finally started to cool down, though she still felt unbelievably phlegmy and stuffed up, so she sure as hell wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe she had a bad cold instead of a flu? It was hard to tell with Dr. “I’m Pretty Sure This Medicine is Supposed To Be Purple” Roman as your main physician.

It wasn’t the physical strain. Sure, she could barely pull herself out of bed, but that was a mix of “everything hurts because I fell smack-dab into the ground” and “bed too comfy, don’t wanna leave.” It was a dilemma for the ages for sure.

No. It was something much worse.

It had started innocently enough. Mash was kind enough to provide her with some homemade miso soup for breakfast; it was just warm enough to be tasty but not so hot that she’d have to add “burnt tongue” to the “Things Gudako Could Do Without This Week” list. Mash was telling her Master about a riveting conversation she had that morning with Xuanzang Sanzang about the monk’s history, including the monkey-king Sun Wukong.

Otherwise known as…

“Man,” Gudako sighed, her throat tingling from the very effort, “if only Son Goku were here now. One Senzu Bean, and I’d be up and at ‘em again in no time at all!”

Mash blinked. “...Master, I’m afraid I don’t quite understand. I don’t think Sun Wukong had beans in his legend.”

Gudako raised an eyebrow. “I bet he didn’t have Dragon Balls either, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be useful.”

Mash looked utterly perplexed. “I...is that some kind of Chinese delicacy, Master?”

“...c’mon, Mash, you know,” Gudako tried. “Dragon Balls? Goku, Vegeta…Krillin even?” Mash shook her head. Gudako cleared her throat, trying to keep from coughing up a lung as she let out a few notes. “Cha-la, head-cha-la~...?”

Mash stared at Gudako like she’d just swallowed thirty Saint Quartz whole.

“...you’ve never seen that anime?”

And then, Mash let loose a terrifying, simply awful question:

“What’s an anime?”

Roman could hear the horrified yell from down the hall. He darted back towards the infirmary, slamming the door open. “Gudako, what happened?!”

“It’s terrible, Doctor!” Gudako wailed. “It’s awful! Terrible! We live in the worst timeline, ever! Oh, where have I gone wrong as a Master, Doctor, just where?!”

Roman turned to Mash. “What’s wrong with her?!”

Mash held her hands close to her chest, a panicked expression painted on her face. “I don’t know! All I did was ask her what an anime was!”

Roman’s palm couldn’t meet his face fast enough.

“Seriously, Gudako?” Roman sighed, shaking his head. “I thought you were dying, for God’s sake.”

“But I am!” the Master whined. “She hasn’t even seen Dragon Ball! That’s basic stuff, Doctor!” She appeared to be ready to continue to her tangent, but that was before she turned to face Mash. At her Servant’s terrified gaze, Gudako’s own faltered, but quickly morphed into a steely glare. “Mash. Are you telling the truth? Have you never seen an anime in your life?”

“N-no, never! I...I presume it’s a form of animation?” As much as she had knowledge of a good chunk of modern times, the nuances of exactly what all that information meant was something Mash could never quite master. Sure, she’d been curious about entertainment before, but that didn’t really matter when the whole world was at stake.

Clearly, Gudako appeared to think differently. She wheeled to face Roman, eyes locked. “Doctor. Do you have any shows we could borrow?”

“What?” Roman crossed his arms, letting out a huff. “Do I look like an anime aficionado to you?”

“Yes,” Gudako and Mash admitted simultaneously.

Roman frowned at Mash. “You don’t even know what it is, you don’t have a say here!”

“If Senpai thinks it so, then it must be.”

Grumbling, Roman fished in his pockets while walking towards a large cabinet at the end of the hall. Mash had assumed this was merely another medicinal supply source, up until now at least. Roman pulled out a keyring from his pocket, unlocking the door’s rather large padlock. “I intended to keep this a surprise, something nice for long-term patients to entertain themselves with-”

Gudako gestured to her face. “Exhibit A.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “-but I suppose you count.” Taking off the lock, he opened the cabinet.

Mash’s jaw dropped.

Inside the cabinet-no, closet, Mash realized-was row upon row, lined up from wall to wall, of media discs. Hundreds on hundreds of discs, with a small section of books cordoned off in the far-off corner of the “room.”

It was like a treasure trove.

“I can’t say I have everything, but I have the basics for sure. Dragon Ball, Sailor Moon, the JoJo OVAs...pick your poison. I even have that one show that the Magus Association produced to make people think that magecraft was all a bunch of fiction.” He put a finger on his chin. “I think it was...Destiny/Moves Day or something?” He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. You have free reign, so…”

“Mash.” The Servant jumped slightly, glancing back at Gudako.

“Yes, Master?”

“Go ahead and pick any show you wanna watch. In the meantime, Doctor, can you-”

A screen came down from the ceiling, in front of Gudako’s bed.

Gudako stared at Roman. “I was going to ask for like...a DVD TV or something.”

Roman grinned. “I’ve had a lot of free time.” He stepped out of the way, leaving the gates to his vast wealth wide open.

“A-are you sure you don’t have any recommendations? Like that Dragon Ball one?”

“Eh, only if you want to,” Gudako said. “I wanna see what catches your attention!”

“O-okay…” Mash stood up from her chair and walked towards the cabinet. She slipped in past Roman, proceeding to marvel at the display.

Roman strolled up to Mash’s chair, taking a quick seat at Gudako’s bedside. “What do you think she’s gonna go for?”

Gudako thought for a moment. “2000 yen says it’s going to be a slice-of-life.”

“Really?” Roman chuckled. “I figured she’d go more for action. Maybe Sword Art-”

“I trust her taste to be better than that, Doctor.”

“Hm.” Roman leaned in his chair, eyes closed for a brief moment. “Fine then. 2000 yen says it will be a science fiction show” He opened one eye, placing a hand over his closed one at a strange angle. “She seems like a Steins;Gate type of gal.”

“Sure she does.” Gudako grinned, watching as Mash stared intently at one case in particular. “We’re about to find out.”

Mash walked back to the others, holding a case close to her chest. “I think...I found one I might enjoy.”

“Oh, great!” Gudako exclaimed. “Let’s see what you-”

She froze, staring at the logo on the box. Slowly, she turned to Roman, tilting her head in Mash’s direction. Roman’s eyes fell upon the name on the case.

**_Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Beginnings_ **

“...are...you sure about that one, Mash?” Roman asked, measuring his tone carefully. “I mean...are you sure you don’t want something else?”

“I wish to watch this one,” Mash replied. “The box talks about magic and teamwork-something that Senpai has shown me is are two of the most important things a person could have. Plus, this appears to be a compilation-as such, it would give us the best time investment possible.”

Gudako’s face fell at this. “Yeah…yeah, I guess I have been pushing that hard, and that would be easier than sitting through the whole series. But, um...it’s just...Madoka is…” She paused. Then, she sighed. “Ok, sure. Doctor, where’s the DVD player?”

“I’ve got it.” Roman left his seat, Mash quickly sliding back into her spot. She scooched the chair closer to Gudako, clearly excited.

“Senpai, have you seen this before?”

“Y-yeah!” Gudako nodded. “It’s...good. Real good. Lots of fun action, cool effects. Characters’re...nice. Most of them.”

Mash nodded. “That’s good, Senpai-but, to tell the truth, I’m more happy to be able to just watch it with you than just to watch it in general,” she admitted, smiling at Gudako. “It’s strange, but...even with all the time we’ve spent together, we haven’t really gotten a chance to just…”

Gudako felt her face flush slightly. “Hang out?” Gudako asked, stifling a quick cough that wormed its way up her throat.

Mash nodded. “Yes. Though, I wish it were under better circumstances…”

“What better circumstance could I ask for than just being here with you?” Gudako felt the words come out of her mouth before she could really process them at all.

Judging by the mix of shock and joy on Mash’s face, the Servant had heard her. Gudako decided to roll with it, offering a cheeky grin to her Servant.

The wide smile she got in return, right before Roman dimmed the lights and started the movie, was worth everything in that moment.

Gudako would treasure it for as long as she could.

That is to say, for around the next half-hour or so. Before **_that_ ** scene came on.

Though, as the first notes of the movie’s theme began to play, she did have one other concern on her mind.

That being a certain Doctor scuttling out of the room, a bundle of papers in his hand, and not-so-quiet whispers between him and a horned, tailed silhouette outside the infirmary door.  
_...nah,_ she thought, watching Mash’s wide-eyed face as the screen lit up with all sorts of bright colors. _It’s probably no big deal._


End file.
